Three churches; three pulpits and yet still one desire: to be a real pastor for the real world.Despite all the changes in my life over the years I have had. I still maintain the singular vision that brought me into the ministry in the first place. To have the type of ministry that makes the lives of real people deeper with Christ and closer to God. To help them find the God of the universe there in every situation they may face and know that He is working. While that has always been the desire, it has taken me a while to realize the implications of that desire.
In my first church, I tried to be what people expected, but that means sometimes being truly cold in professionalism. There were rules to be maintained and I had been taught to be a loyal company man to my denomination. I wore suits even though I hated them; I enforced membership rules because it was the advice I was given to grow my church; to be Pentecostal I was expected to be a little emotional even though my personality does not lend itself well to it; etc. In the end it earned me an empty bunch of pews and a lot of grief. I learned in the interim to trust my instincts. I still had lessons to learn but I no longer trusted the ministry gurus.
The second church was a lesson in learning to be human even when people don't like it. I followed my instincts but I had a transparency problem; I wasn't allowed to be transparent. Every time I was, people read it wrong and that was partially my fault too. The lessons of treating people like people still were being learned and by the time I understood them, it was too late to implement anything. I was also a hurting pastor from the first experience and truly I had jumped back in because of necessity, not because I was ready. I had started out wrong and it was too big to fix by the time I realized it. The only people that real understood where I was coming from were the youth group. Many of whom I still hear from at times. I love those guys.
So here I am in church three and the desire remains the same and I think I am on the right track. I also know that this will be my last stop on the ministry train. It's Hersey Congregational Church or bust. I will either be a real church with a real pastor that both minister in the real world or I am going to hang up my pastor gear and find something else to do that will not cause the Church of Jesus Christ dishonor by my presence. It is the last team for Christ for which I will play as captain.
The thing is I know we are headed in the right direction because at last the people themselves are realizing their need for direction. The leadership is calling for vision and that is good. There is conflict, but it is conflict with purpose and that is good, very good.
For myself, If I can't be myself in something, I don't do it. If I can't look in person's eyes and be genuine in my feelings and expression, then it is time for a heart check on my knees. If I can't grasp a man hand and feel kinship or hug a woman's shoulders and feel love coming back at me, I look in the mirror. Only when I have eliminated the guy in that mirror as the source of the problem, do I look elsewhere. I don't sugarcoat things and I don't sour things, I really have come to take people as they are and work from there. You lead as a pastor, you do not push or pull.
I am sure that I still have a lot to learn, but I am ready to learn anything that allows me to be real, truly real.
Blessings.
Great insights. I love Pastors (grew up around them and now work side-by-side with one) every one I've ever been around are so different, so I think it's wise, as you say, to be who God made you to be 'cause evidently there is no set mold. And I guess that applies to all of us :)
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