Marriage and the Bible - Part 41 - The Bible and Divorce

While it is difficult to get an opinion from God as to his like or dislike of polygamy (see my previous post), it is not difficult to get his opinion about divorce.  He hates it.  It is this hatred of divorce by God that should set the theme for our discussion of divorce.  If I am a Christian, I should hate what God hates and God hates divorce. 

Despite the hatred by God of divorce, it is still biblically allowed.  Divorce is allowed by the law of Moses very early on and it remains a constant force in the Bible from then on.  Ultimately, this seems to be an allowance by God because of sin and the nature of marriage in its cultural contract form.  Doesn't stop Him from hating it, but it does indicate God understands the why of it.

There are basically three biblical reasons God would allow a divorce:

1. Sexual Infidelity: As much as God hates divorce, he hates unfaithfulness even more.  Jesus himself gives this as a reason for it.  This reason ultimately points to something deeper and that is that sex is not simply about fun or procreation.  Sex is the ultimate expression of the spiritual covenant of marriage and to engage in adultery in any form shows a lack of understanding of this idea.  This why not only should sex not be engaged in before marriage; it also should be kept in the confines of marriage.

2. Mixed Faith Marriage:  The Bible has nothing really positive to say about a marriage between an unbeliever and a believer and that goes throughout the entire Bible.  In one case after the exile, Israelite men are forced to divorce their wives for this reason or give up their inheritance in Israel.  When we get to the New Testament there is a change though and that is that the believer should stay with the unbeliever unless the unbeliever wants out.  Paul in 1st Corinthians is not defying Jesus so much as he is considering a further implication of Jesus' teaching.  That of the impossibility for such a marriage to achieve covenant without both parties understanding the true nature of love and self-sacrifice, which are found only in genuine faith in God.  The believer should treat their marriage as a covenant and strive for the ideal, but if the unbeliever wants out, the believer can depart free of obligation.

3. Hardness of Heart: I simply do not see that Jesus Teaching in Matthew 19 and other places nullifies this idea.  The divorce law of Moses still stands because Jesus himself said he had not come to destroy the law or the prophets.  The fact is God still allows for hardness of heart, because hardness of heart is still going to happen.  People are still going to fail in how they view marriage, act in selfishness to the point that even the cultural and contractual sides of their marriage are not being kept, violate their marriage vows and thus become hardened of heart.  It is still an out, but I would say God doesn't like it very much given Jesus' words.  This reason should be avoided at all costs but it still is there in case it happens.  One thing though we can say about divorce is that it never is considered a sin that is unforgivable by God.

That said, we need to be reminded that God still hates divorce.  It means then the Christian should make every effort to save their marriage and to strive to see that they view it as a spiritual covenant above the cultural contract.  Ultimately this is about shifting out understanding of marriage from the selfishness of the contract and moving it to the self-sacrifice of the covenant.  For the Christian it becomes very important to understand the difference between the two and strive for the covenant.

Next: God and the Cultural Contract.
Previous: The Bible and Polygamy
First Post in Series  

Marriage and the Bible - Part 31 - The Old Testament Marriage Issues

OK. Let's look at all the issues that the Old Testament presents and see what if anything is resolved before we hit Jesus.

Covenant verses Contract:

The real difficulty comes when defining what marriage is. Adam and Eve were one flesh and were husband/wife but did they have a marriage contract? I don't think so. What does seem to happen is there needs to be some way of recognizing who is with who and marriage as contract results in the culture of mankind. The purpose of a marriage also plays into this as some marriages are not about love. Contracts become inevitable as rights, responsibilities and duties need to be defined because of sin both in men and women. The practical issues in a fallen world become the rational for marriage contracts.

This also brings into things the concept of a contract wife or concubine. The purposes of which are either to produce children or sexual pleasure. In either case, this is not about love but practicality. The patriarchs used this extensively with handmaidens to their wives and later concubinage becomes very popular with kings. The concubine is for all practical purposes a second class wife. She receives what she receives while her husband is alive. After his death the family has no obligations toward her.

In some cases such concubinage was the result of death of older brothers and thus required younger brothers to raise up children for their family.

Most marriages are arranged and that means contract for the most part. Some rise above this but contract seems to be the norm in the Old Testament.

The main identification I want to make here is that there is a difference between a close one flesh relationship between a man and woman that I will call 'covenant marriage' and the kind of contract arrangement marriages (contract marriage) that involved practicality or pleasure for the man. This becomes the two ways you can look at marriage and even in the Old Testament it is pretty clear that the covenant is the aim; not contract, but contract marriages are not only allowed, they are not condemned.

Polygamy:

Early on in the Old Testament, polygamy is present. In all cases, the polygamy is one man with multiple women. The purpose is multi-fold: pleasure, procreation, status, etc. People ask why it was always one direction and the answer is simple. When a child is born everybody can see who the mother is. The only way to assure who the dad is, is to be the only guy who was having sex with the woman. Multiple men means question of who the father is so that form of polygamy is ruled out in this culture.

The bigger issue is when looking at the Bible on polygamy is that it makes no statement against it. In regulates it and protects the women involved in the law of Moses. Not all of the polygamist relationships in the Bible are seen as bad or having problems although a lot of them do. What you never see is the Old Testament is a condemnation of the practice.

Finally in regards to polygamy, one observation that could be made is that the more wives a man has the more difficult it becomes for him to develop a covenant marriage with any of them. His heart becomes to divided. You see maybe one wife rising to the top of the man's affection but the rest are just bed partners. Also, the more attention one gives to multiple wives there seems to be less time for God. Polygamy is not forbidden by the Bible, but it also could be said that once a man takes more than one wife, he has made a decision to have a bunch of contract marriages with less chance of finding one true covenant partner for life.

Divorce:

Divorce becomes and issue and putting away wives becomes a big issue. Divorce in the Old testament is strictly a man's preview and it seems open ended. That is, it could be allowed for any reason. What divorce recognizes in the end is that some marriages are nothing more than contracts and sometimes those contracts need to be dissolved.

The other thing though that can be said about divorce is that God hates it. He bluntly says so in Malachi. What we then have is one the one hand an allowance for divorce but also a statement from God himself that it is not a good thing and He hates it. The issue is not completely resolved.

Mixed Marriage:
The idea of mixing believe with unbeliever or in the case of Israel, Gentile with Jew, is bad from the word go. Not only does does the Old testament make strong statements against it; it also shows how perilous it can be. In particular how such mixed marriages can lead the people of God into idolatry. In some cases divorce was called for but it is not clear if this was just seen as a good idea or commanded by God. One thing is for sure, the idea of marrying outside the faith is condemned.

Women as second class citizens:
This is more of a feeling one gets from the Old Testament culture than anything else. Because of the prevalence of contract marriages and giving away of daughters to men for favors, heroic acts, etc.; you really get the feeling that women are held in regard for only three things: how they look, how many kids they can produce and who they are married to. This culture will be much the same when Jesus steps on the scene.

Malachi's statement along with others about wives not being divorced for any reason seems to cut against this, but for the most part women are completely subservient to men in the issue of marriage. Men control it and women are along for the ride.

Next: Jesus on divorce

Marriage and the Bible - Part 30 - Malachi and Marriage Treachery

Malachi introduces a new concept in a sense to the issue of marriage. That of the relationship between intimacy with God and intimacy in the marriage. That is, that God regards sacrifice and prayer through the filter of how a man treats his wife in marriage. Malachi chapter 2 verses 13 through 16 express that God isn't listening to the prayers of his people because the men have dealt treacherously with the wife of their youth. In what way? Two issues:

1. The passage continues that divorce is that form of treachery. In short, men were using the Law's provision for divorce to set aside wives for whatever reason. But God through Malachi reminds the people that marriage is supposed to be a covenant, but they have reduced it to a contract.

2. What is striking is God bold faced statement that he hates divorce. Now, there is no statement that God is forbidding divorce but from this passages perspective there is nothing that God likes about it. It is treachery to a person becasue it is done for reasons that God finds unrighteous. It seems to be an attempt to get people to return an understanding of one flesh as marriage not contract.

Next: Looking Back at the Old Testament Marriage Issues