Church Antagonism -- Part 7 -- Recovering from Antagonism -- Church

Churches suffer in antagonism. During and antagonistic bought you will see people leave, rarely will people stay if they visit. Those that get to the end survive and ultimately have to face the future. There is a long list of things the church and individuals should not do after antagonism has been defeated:
1. Don't stop ministry for a rest period. Many people in both my churches who had been under the gun and then suddenly the problem went away did this. Ministry is a lot like prayer and other things that provide spiritual growth and healing, when you stop doing it you lose that avenue for growth and healing.
2. Don't take a break from the vision of the church. The vision God has given the leadership for you church actually can be your saving grace. What it does is allows you focus on something other than the hurt at least for a little while and if done with the Spirit can bring to your church the one thing that is needed above all else -- new people.
3. Don't sweep the thing under the rug and move on. I know that this seems to contradict the two above but to think you can just dump the soul crushing pain of conflict gone bad and move on is not wise. There must be a plan to rebuild relationships and hearts.
4. Become defensive. Many people after surviving antagonism decided to build a bunch of walls and systems to keep it from happening again. The real thing is not to prevent this by defensive measures but offensive. To make sure people are prepared to DO what is right in the face of these things, not just shield themselves.

Some things that do need to be done: (now, these are mine from a long process of thinking on how to get people in a church past antagonism to life)
1. Establish small groups -- not just any small groups, but ones that hold people accountable for their spiritual walk and prayer together. If I could I would make it mandatory for every member to be a part of it. Why? To reestablish relationships and recover from damage. Like it or not people are hurting and they need an outlet to be prayed for and ministered to.
2. Develop a proactive and health approach to dealing with conflict. Conflict is normal and teaching Biblical principles on conflict resolution is very helpful. When you can teach people to focus on the issue at hand rather than the persons involved you have done your church a great service. Leadership needs to model this at all levels.
3. Never let an issue simmer -- deal with it as an issue and get a resolution on it especially if someone gets angry. To many times we let the devil wedge in his agenda through unresolved issues or anger.
4. Be prepared to counsel on all areas -- things happen and like ministers people do a lot of things to cope and often they are sinful and destructive. Be prepared to open your heart to whatever counseling is needed to help these people.

FINIS

Church Antagonism -- Part 6 -- Recovering From Antagonism -- The Minister and His Family

I wouldn't be writing this article if people did a better job of following Matthew 18:15-18 in the first place because then a lot of antagonistic situations would be dealt with with good solid confrontation and redemption. But as it is we do things in a more political correct model of non-offensive action that solves nothing or the minister and or others think the Christian thing to do is nothing and the result is sinful situations that hurts people. Because of these things antagonism goes the wrong way and victims are left in its wake. Most notably, the minister and his family get hit hard in most cases.


Now, if a minister is caught in an affair or some other sin, there are at least one hundred resources to draw on to rehab the minister and his family. Counsel, financial resources, job support and other things are available to such a minister. The fact is that there are very few resources available to ministers who are victims of antagonistic churches and situations. If I had the money I would work to change it, but being antagonism has almost ruined me financially twice, I appeal to others to change this. The few resources that are available are expensive (something most minsters cannot afford in these situations) or limited to dealing with the recovery phase of counseling not the crisis phase itself.


When a minister is under the gun the most important thing he needs is constructive counsel. The 'be warmed and filled, we will pray for you' counsel I received from the leadership of my denomination was not helpful. It did very little to help the situation and to be blunt, it violated Scripture in several instances. The fact is one of the most helpful things denominations could provide to ministers -- counseling centers -- is often not there. Denominations in many cases do not think of keeping and developing ministers through problems - -they just try to get things to be good and spend money on the gospel and others things. Let's get real though, antagonism happens and the victims deserve better than what they get. Just because denominations want to think happy thoughts does not mean it always happens.


If a pastor is forced out of a church. There are many needs. Chiefly, how is a minister going to support his family. For myself, I spent almost two years unemployed because in both cases jobs were scarce. This is why in the second case I asked for 90 days severance. I got an argument instead about whether or not they should charge me rent. Here they were kicking me out of my home (the parsonage), my job (being a minister) and my church, and they were complaining about having to give me some money to get by for a while, as I looked for a job and on top of it all wanted to charge me rent. I have been a strong advocate now for years because of this, that if a minister should receive 90 days severance if removed for any reason. Sin is one thing, but personal conflict should not be the cause a man to loose his ability to take care of his family. If you really want to say 'this is for the best' then pay for it. If it really isn't personal, then pay for it. It may cause some people to think twice if getting rid of the pastor is going to cost their church something. The irony of the situation at my second church was they wanted me out of town, but because they choked off my financial resources I didn't have the means to leave.


Losing a church HURTS. I can't describe how angry it makes you feel. Pastoring is a large risk on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. Congregations that understand this are a blessing to a pastor. There is usually nothing physically demanding about pastoring (work days and painting the church aside) but the emotions get very much involved. You care about people and love them, and then when they basically kick you to the curb -- it hurts. During my two years recovery I have had only the counsel of friends and family to get me through, but many of those simply do not understand. Recovery would take less time if there was a good counselor at your side who understands but more often than not -- no such counselor exists for pastors and families that go through antagonistic church situations. Need counseling is necessary in a lot of areas:
1. Career -- What do I do now?
2. Marriage -- Sorry stress produces stress and often marriages are the thing that suffers.
3. Children -- Do not think the pastor's kids are immune to hurt? I have one some who wants nothing to do with conventional church and another who seems to have no faith at all. They have made their own decisions about this but part of the thing that drove them away was how people treated them as pastor's kids --as if being a pastor's kid puts a special halo around your head or something.
4. Financial -- As detailed above.
5. Addiction -- Some things pastors and family members do to 'feel' better when under the gun are addictive and destructive.

If you are a victim of antagonism find what you can but one thing is for sure you might have trouble. If you ever need someone to e-mail contact me.

Next -- Recovering from Antagonism -- Church Recovery.

Church Antagonism -- Part 5 -- Dealing with Antagonism

There are a few prelims to deal with in antagonistic situations. The biggest thing to remember is to make sure your dealing with an antagonistic situation. Conflict is normal in a church and if handled in a healthy manner can be constructive. Antagonism has two factors to look for. 1) A Person or persons who no matter what compromise is reached it is never enough. 2) Intense feelings that result only in anger and frustration.

One final thought -- remember some antagonists really, really believe they are doing the right thing, so communications may be very difficult. Antagonists do not want to reason or debate a point, they want to dominate and force their will on everyone else.

Steps in dealing with an antagonistic situation or person:

1. Pray -- you are engaging in spiritual warfare here. If you do not pray, you will be sucked up in the emotions of the situation instead of deal with it effectively. Pray and keep praying.

2. Confront them with the truth of the Word. Confrontation is difficult enough when it is opinion verses opinion, so make sure the Biblical question is addressed. If the antagonist has used gossip -- give evidence of it and point out verses that deal with that, etc.. Deal with everything and lay it on the line with the Bible.

3. If they refuse to listen, then take it to the board of the church. If it is the board that is the problem, then you might want to talk to the pastor and let him know he is not alone. Make a plan to talk to people and bring some people that agree with you to confront the person again with the problem.

4. If they fail to listen take it to the next meeting of the congregation. If it is only once a year, then call for one. If you are the pastor, do this. Don't be afraid but deal with it. If you are a member, find out how to call a church meeting and do so. Bring the matter up in the same way as before before the church. If the people still don't listen, move for their removal from the church. Even if you are not successful, a message will be sent. If you are successful, you will be surprise how much burden will lift off everyone in the church and the antagonists involved will get a wake up call.

If you are in leadership, stand your ground
If you are not in leadership, keep the support up and do something constructive. The biggest thing people can do is not gossip about the thing and confront gossip when you hear it.

Antagonists in power will of course fight this and may succeed in defeating you, but if that is the case then you will know one thing for sure -- the situation has been dealt with with one final step.

5. Contact denominational leadership, if you have any. If they do not help ( a situation that happens more and more these days-- I will deal with this in a later post) then you need to make some gut level decisions on your place in the church and whether to stay and continue to fight or leave.

One way or another, the situation will be dealt with and you will have some sense of resolution of the future. Hopefully the antagonists are gone (yes, this is a good thing), although you may have to deal with the gossip they spread after they leave. Don't hold out any illusions they will change until after they leave. If they haven't left, well you have decisions to make. Round Two or the Door. One note, if you are supporting the pastor and he has decided to stay -- stick with him. If he has decided to leave, stay with him to the last day.

Next: Recovering from Antagonism -- The Minister and His Family

Church Antagonism -- Part 4 -- What Allows Antagonists to Thrive

Church antagonists would never get away with anything if they did not act in a atmosphere that allows them to thrive. There are basically two factors involved:

1. Apathetic Bystanders: This can be anyone who would have the influence or could act at least in some way to confront the antagonism or stand up against it. The truth is that antagonists only survive because people do not stand up to it. They feel they are not in a position to stop it or are not sure what they should do. In my own ministry, my greatest problem was not the antagonists but the people who supported me that said and did nothing to stop it. Most are acting on the misguided notion that to be loving Christians they should get involved but real love sacrifices and stands up to evil. Remember it is often the pastor who is getting pummeled here and it is not loving to him or his family to just let him get pummeled. When good people do nothing, evil prospers. In my case it felt like it was me against half of the church with the other half watching the action -- not good.

2. Ineffective Denominational Officials: Boy do I know this one well. The fact is most denominational officials who could come in help the pastor and/or congregational leaders in trouble but they have a few things that make them ineffective: a) no plan -- and they follow it to the end. When you don't have a plan or procedure of how to handle these things you cause the 'bad' guys to have the advantage. b) lack of information on the situation -- ignorance of what is going on and being to lazy to find out what is really going on. If you are going into a bad situation get all the facts before you act. c) Lack of pastoral support: Pastors need support in this and they often don't get it. To tell someone under the gun to just pray about it or buck up smacks of -- 'be warmed and filled' but not doing anything needful.

If you get people fighting for their church and denominational officials who actually can help the situation looks a lot brighter.

Next: How to Act in the Face of Antagonism

Church Antagonism -- Part 3 -- Types of Antagonists

Or perhaps we should say levels of antagonists. You can classify antagonists based on their level of hostility. This is important as antagonism has a pyramid structure going from top to bottom. I classify them as various types of wolves in sheep's clothing.

1. The Demon Wolves -- This is the top of the pyramid -- these wolves are psychotic and paranoid -- that is they see evil in everything but themselves. The enjoy making trouble although they will deny it. These are the clergy killers who feel they are on a crusade to rid the church of evil and that evil to them is found in the pastor and his closest associates. I never really faced one this bad but I could see where a couple of them might develop into ones.

2. The Big Wolves -- These are not as demon inspired as the above but they still do many of the same things. They are distinguished by the fact there is no reasoning with them. They don't necessarily enjoy what there doing but they are dominated the the belief they are right and that's that.

The guy who ultimately got the board to go along with him in voting me out of my second church was this type -- all he could see was evil. Everything I did and said was interpreted through the lens of darkness. I had ulterior motives for everything he said. I was the problem no matter how much I did, explained my actions or apologized. The guy just did not have grip on reality. There was no explaining things to him or reasoning with him. There was a woman in my first church like this too -- I was shielded from her by the fact she wasn't as member of the church but her influence over her family that did attend and were members was large and she used it to try to get what she wanted. There were a couple of others as well. One board member I had was convinced that I should micromanage everything and that my belief in team leadership was bad. No matter what I showed him there was no convincing him -- he caused problems but then when he couldn't get what he wanted he left the church but did so in a way that caused further problems. This happened a lot in my first church.

3. Pack Wolves -- These are the antagonists that have power or position but take their orders through the Demon or Big Wolves. They strike when the first blow has already been laid down. They act as support before the blow is struck. They are cowards but get brave when the there is an advantage to them and the battle is on and the shepherd is on one knee from the knife in his back.

The best example I have of this was in my second church. There was a couple who kept under the radar but they were hostile toward me from day one. As they were leaving the church at my election they told the denomination official that the vote that elected me was illegal. They wanted someone else and I was not the people they wanted (they were trying to get a friend of theirs). After that they would show up when they felt like it. This was barely enough to keep their membership and they used their money (they were quite well off) to manipulate people. They ultimately wrote a letter saying that it was them or me. They waited until the other board member talked about above made the first move. The thought of the loss of their money put fear in the rest of the board and that formed the atmosphere for the board meeting (without me) that the board requested I leave. I could go on and on with this type -- seen a lot of this.

4. Wolf Pups -- These people yap a lot -- that why I call them pups -- they have little power or influence but they act to create the atmosphere of trouble. They create mood by keeping the gossip going or supporting what the bigger wolves are doing.

These are the basic types of antagonists. What allows them to prosper is the subject of the next post.

Next -- What Allows Antagonists to Thrive

Church Antagonism -- Part 2 -- Identifying an Antagonist

At what point does a person cross the line from being a person with an objection to the direction of the church (which I think is healthy) to an antagonist.

The real issue is what is the standard makeup of the average antagonist. I am speaking here of course of the guy or gal who leads the charge not the followers of an antagonist. I am showing you what the leader looks like and how they work. My backup is The Wounded Minister by Guy Greenwood. I am summing up his findings. It is a good book to buy if you are going through this; it helped me a lot.

1. They are destructive --they have no qualms about destroying relationships or causing emotional pain. To make matters worse they initiate trouble because they genuinely believe they are doing what they do for the greater good.
2. They are determined -- They will stop at nothing to achieve what they want regardless of the desires of the rest of the church. They have contempt for rules, constitutions or democratic action. They are never satisfied and no amount of concessions will be enough for them. Even when they get what they want they still go on starting a new crusade.
3. They are deceitful nitpickers -- they dwell on the smallest problems and enhance the belief there is a bigger problem by lying about it and making things up. They will do something and then accuse someone else of doing it -- The end always justifies the means for them.
4. They are masters of intimidation -- They often start harmless enough and maneuver themselves into positions of power and responsibility through putting on a show of being pious and devote. Once they strike, they attack the top and have no fear in trying to destroy a minister or even a fellow board member. The goal is selfish ambition to get what they want and to do this they must seize control.
5. They take advantage of inactivity an apathy. They attack where things are weak and when no one seems to have a desire to put up a fight.

There are people out there like this? In church? Yep. I have had two churches in Assemblies of God which had several each. Now none of them were this extreme and you don't have to have all the characteristics to cause trouble. In fact, there are many levels to this, but that is the subject of the next post

Next -- Types of Antagonist.

Church Antagonism -- Part 1 -- The Issue

If there is one thing I have experience with it is church antagonism or antagonists.

A church antagonist is a person who for whatever reason decides that his or her agenda should be the sole agenda of the church. If that means destroying the pastor, board members or other church members, so be it. The thing about them is that they truly believe that they are helping the church and that what they are doing is right.

The effect of antagonism is one of disunity, anger and confusion. In my experience, I have seen these situations escalate to the point of seeing the vision of the church disappear or stagnate, friendships forever lost, families torn apart and in one case -- the church closed completely.

For ministers, antagonistic situations can break a persons ministry. One of the most common causes of ministers leaving the ministry is antagonism. The effects on spouses and children are catastrophic.

In this series I want to look at the following:
1. Identifying an antagonist
2. Types of Antagonists
3. What allows antagonists to prosper.
4. How to act in the face of antagonism
5. Recovering from Antagonism -- Minister and Family
6. Recovering from Antagonism -- Church