Marriage and the Bible - Part 50 - Final Thoughts

This series started with a series of questions and a simple idea to go through the Bible and find out what is actually said about marriage.  With 50 posts it stands as probably the most lengthy thing I have done to date and I am sure some of those questions weer answered, but not always in the way one would have thought.  

1. Is there a difference between being married and being husband and wife?

I would say yes.  At least there is a great deal of difference between a couple that seeks to have a spiritual covenant and those who engage in a cultural contract type of obligation.  It seems that God has always desired man and woman to have what the original couple had before the fall of man.  A triune relationship with Him, man and woman together.  Sin entered the world and over time culture and law began to seek to define marriage as forms of obligation and give it in many ways a mechanical and practical view away from the idea of 'one flesh', naked and unashamed.

In our world Christians find themselves where the ultimate desire for their married lives is to return to this covenant relationship but still there are cultural and legal obligations that define marriage.  God seems to let mankind define this but presses each couple 'back to the garden'  as it were.  Mankind can indeed present difficulties in this as sometimes marriage contracts are not written with this in mind.  In some forms cultural contract marriage is actually a deterrent to achieving spiritual covenant.  The spiritual covenant marriage is about God; the cultural contract is about man.  God seems to respect or at least allow both, but His desire is to bring mankind back to the garden at least in spirit.

2. Does the Bible give a actual moment of marriage that is definable?

This greatly depends on what you are talking about.  When it comes to culture and law, marriage is definable when all requirements are met and agreed on.  Those requirements are different for each culture and nation so it is difficult to say anything other than God honors that man makes some choices here.  Even here, because of the nature of humanity, this can be a clear as mud.  In a spiritual covenants I see that is this union is only possible with one man, one woman and God at a moment when all three parties come together in spirit, mind, heart and for the couple flesh. 

I think it is very possible to have one without the other but often what happens is a conjunction of both.  Some marriages start out as covenants without cultural obligations such as Adam and Eve's being husband and wife.  Others start off as a cultural and legal obligation and can change into a spiritual covenant.  The best marriages in our fallen world try to live up to both with an understanding that, if push comes to shove, what God desires in a spiritual covenant takes precedent over the cultural contract.

3. Are other types marriage bonds acceptable?

What can be said about this is that the Bible allows for the fact that humans are going to be humans and we are going to enter into less than perfect relationships because of it.  The Bible presents many forms of marriage in its contract form: polygamy and concubinage for the most part with marriages that are purely procreative or pleasure oriented.  God accepts that human being will want to control sexual expression to maintain certain cultural and legal obligations.

What the Bible takes the dimmest view on is anything that involves sin in the relationship or a mixing of faith (believers with unbelievers).  In our modern context, that means open marriages and homosexual marriages are out, but polygamy and even group marriage (minus homosexual and open elements) are real possibilities.  The problem with all of these though is that outside the simplest arrangement for marriage (one man, one woman for life) there becomes a diminished capacity to live up to or even attain a marriage that is a true spiritual covenant. 

4. Can a marriage end?

The unfortunate answer is yes.

The real truth is that spiritual covenants require a great deal of effort to both attain and maintain and this means that there are a lot of opportunities for it to become the lesser form of marriage -- the cultural contract. 

In the cultural contract form, marriage can be broken and ended when one side or the other decides the obligations are not being kept.  Christians probably should take note that Jesus defines adultery as the only thing that should end any marriage but allowance is also made for mixed marriages by Paul and the fact Jesus even seems to indicate that 'hardness of heart' can still cause a marriage end, it just may not justify it.

The other unfortunate end to marriage is death and this in effect ends both kinds of marriage.  This can make the end of a spiritual covenant marriage particularly difficult when a couple is truly one flesh.

In the end marriage is both an action involving both God and man and thus it gets complicated even in the Bible as it greatly is affected by what what a person or culture is seeking to produce with marriage.  Marriage involves a lot of choices but God's desire remains the same.  That desire being to see a man and woman one flesh, naked and unashamed working for His purposes.

Finis

Previous: Modern Challenges: Is Traditional Marriage a Failure? 

Marriage and the Bible - Part 42 - God and the Cultural Contract

With all the desire for spiritual covenant type of marriage in Scripture, the fact remains cultural contracts are very much part of the Bible and many are directed by God himself particularly in the law.  The above illustration deals with most of them.
1. Man+woman = monogamy
2. Man+woman+concubine = polygamy with two classes of wife
3. Man+woman+property woman=polygamy with slave concubine
4. Man with multiple women as equal wives='traditional' polygamy
5. Woman marries brother of dead husband=could result in polygamy if the brother already had another wife.
6. Man with unbetrothed woman (the illustration is inaccurate at this point as a rapist was put to death in Old Testament law).  But this is a situation where two people have sex (the woman unmarried and unbetrothed) and it is discovered in some way.  Man loses his option for divorce with her and must provide for her.
7. Man with war wife (she must be a virgin taken as spoils of war)
8. Slave couple: only stay married if their master wishes it or the slave chooses a bond slave status.

In the grand scheme of things as much as God want people to have a spiritual covenant type marriage, allowance is made for a multitude of reasons for other types of marriage contracts.  In all of these situations God has laws regulating the practice of these types of contracts.

What this brings up is how open God is when it comes to this subject.  He desires some greater things for marriage but understands mankind enough that he does not forbid certain other things involving marriage contracts and the culture.  In short, God is very realistic about humans and their relationships with the opposite sex and this translates to marriage contracts to protect the parties involved.

God ultimately is acknowledging the selfishness of mankind and marriage is not going to be something He is going to think is avoid of such selfishness.  Contracts protect the parties involved from the negative effects of such selfishness.  in many cases it seems that a lot of these laws guard against divorce by creating difficulty or options for the man regarding wives.  The wives are protected as well as one of the main reasons for this contract type mentality is to protect a woman from abandonment or disgrace.

Cultural contracts have one flaw, that is that they are essentially about maintaining the self interests of those in the marriage contract.  A contract by it's nature is not about mutual love but protection and obligations.  Each party involved need not care about the other person in a love and affection sense, they are only obligated to perform their duties and provide as dictated by the contract.

To have a marriage leave this state and become all that it should be is only possible when the concept of a 'one flesh' spiritual covenant in embraced.

Next: God and the Spiritual Covenant
Previous: The Bible and Divorce 
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Marriage and the Bible - Part 41 - The Bible and Divorce

While it is difficult to get an opinion from God as to his like or dislike of polygamy (see my previous post), it is not difficult to get his opinion about divorce.  He hates it.  It is this hatred of divorce by God that should set the theme for our discussion of divorce.  If I am a Christian, I should hate what God hates and God hates divorce. 

Despite the hatred by God of divorce, it is still biblically allowed.  Divorce is allowed by the law of Moses very early on and it remains a constant force in the Bible from then on.  Ultimately, this seems to be an allowance by God because of sin and the nature of marriage in its cultural contract form.  Doesn't stop Him from hating it, but it does indicate God understands the why of it.

There are basically three biblical reasons God would allow a divorce:

1. Sexual Infidelity: As much as God hates divorce, he hates unfaithfulness even more.  Jesus himself gives this as a reason for it.  This reason ultimately points to something deeper and that is that sex is not simply about fun or procreation.  Sex is the ultimate expression of the spiritual covenant of marriage and to engage in adultery in any form shows a lack of understanding of this idea.  This why not only should sex not be engaged in before marriage; it also should be kept in the confines of marriage.

2. Mixed Faith Marriage:  The Bible has nothing really positive to say about a marriage between an unbeliever and a believer and that goes throughout the entire Bible.  In one case after the exile, Israelite men are forced to divorce their wives for this reason or give up their inheritance in Israel.  When we get to the New Testament there is a change though and that is that the believer should stay with the unbeliever unless the unbeliever wants out.  Paul in 1st Corinthians is not defying Jesus so much as he is considering a further implication of Jesus' teaching.  That of the impossibility for such a marriage to achieve covenant without both parties understanding the true nature of love and self-sacrifice, which are found only in genuine faith in God.  The believer should treat their marriage as a covenant and strive for the ideal, but if the unbeliever wants out, the believer can depart free of obligation.

3. Hardness of Heart: I simply do not see that Jesus Teaching in Matthew 19 and other places nullifies this idea.  The divorce law of Moses still stands because Jesus himself said he had not come to destroy the law or the prophets.  The fact is God still allows for hardness of heart, because hardness of heart is still going to happen.  People are still going to fail in how they view marriage, act in selfishness to the point that even the cultural and contractual sides of their marriage are not being kept, violate their marriage vows and thus become hardened of heart.  It is still an out, but I would say God doesn't like it very much given Jesus' words.  This reason should be avoided at all costs but it still is there in case it happens.  One thing though we can say about divorce is that it never is considered a sin that is unforgivable by God.

That said, we need to be reminded that God still hates divorce.  It means then the Christian should make every effort to save their marriage and to strive to see that they view it as a spiritual covenant above the cultural contract.  Ultimately this is about shifting out understanding of marriage from the selfishness of the contract and moving it to the self-sacrifice of the covenant.  For the Christian it becomes very important to understand the difference between the two and strive for the covenant.

Next: God and the Cultural Contract.
Previous: The Bible and Polygamy
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Marriage and the Bible - Part 40 - The Bible and Polygamy

The extreme difficulty with the issue of polygamy and the Bible is twofold: 1) There is no direct statement forbidding the practice anywhere in the Bible and 2) It is prolifically practiced from very early on in Scripture and by some of the great heroes of faith from Abraham to David.  In short, while the Bible certainly does not encourage the practice, it does not forbid it.  In fact there are Biblical laws that regulate it.

The first implication of this is that those Christians that go around and say the practice of polygamy is a sin or evil are very much not supported by the Bible.  This means that the moral judgments about people that practice polygamy stand purely on cultural grounds not Biblical ones.

Secondly and on the flip side, there is a problem with polygamy that the Bible presents, that of achieving the ideal of what marriage symbolizes.  The polygamist marriages in the Bible present either a man who has no close spiritual covenant relationship with any of his wives or only just one with the rest of his wives being contract wives.  In fact, it seems that if a man opts for polygamy he is already accepting this fact.  His marriages are about other cultural and personal desires not a desire to be 'one flesh' in truth with a woman.  It has been said that no polygamist relationship in the Bible is absent from problems, the truth is that in some situations we simple do not know this for sure.

Another thing to consider is that there is no Biblical example of polygamy other than one man with multiple wives.  The idea of one woman with multiple husbands simply is not there.  In part this is because of a patriarchal man dominated culture, but in truth it is also a practical consideration.  When a man has more than one wife there is still not doubt when a child is born who the father of the child is.  This would not be true in the reverse situation.  Given that family was important in this culture and being able to trace one's lineage also important: one wife, multiple husband relationships would undercut both and are rejected.  It is an argument from silence all the way around on this issue but given the lack of example we have to conclude it is probably not an option.

Finally, the New Testament has two important changes in understanding polygamy.  First, the fact that the ideal marriage is presented very strongly as one man, one woman from both Jesus and the apostles point of view.  Secondly, that if a man is polygamist he is disqualified from church leadership.  In short, Jesus and the apostles are encouraging monogamy but neither condemns polygamy although they do enact things to consider and thus discourage it.

For the Christian in the modern day, application touches two areas:

1) When confronted with polygamy in society there is no biblical grounds for condemning the practice or the polygamist and his wives.  As long as the relationship was freely entered into, we have to conclude that all the parties involved are both sin free and accepting the consequences of such a relationship.  In truth, this is far less repulsive to God than the man who has multiple partners without marriage contracts and children from each relationship as well.  At least the polygamist is accepting responsibility both legally and culturally.  The situation of multiple wives one at a time due to divorce would also fall under a far more 'hate' category from God's perspective than polygamy. 

2) If a Christian considers entering into a polygamist relationship, they should consider the following issues: a) by so doing they are opting for the less desirable option than monogamy, b) it is going to be difficult for them to achieve a spiritual covenant with this type of relationship and c) they are opting out of being in leadership in the church.

In final analysis, polygamy is an allowable situation for mankind because of the nature of the beast as it were.  People are encouraged to get married if they are sexually attracted to the opposite sex and can't control it.  Here seems to be an additional allowance for the man who simply can't contain his sexual desire to one woman.  It offers an option free of affairs and divorce.  It is not the best situation, but it is better than the alternatives.  Interestingly enough while many women do not like the idea, many women in such relationships defend it for various reasons.

Next: The Bible and Divorce
Previous: Spiritual Covenant vs. Cultural Contract
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Marriage and the Bible - Part 35 - Paul: Divorce, Sex and Polygamy

Paul has a great imagery for marriage in the relationship between Christ and the church. What becomes interesting is some of the other practical application of it in particular as regards to divorce, sexuality and polygamy.

First, we need to understand that Paul knew the teaching of Christ and may have been on to hear them as a budding Pharisee. So when he makes some of his remarks we need to remember that he had possible seen Jesus teach and most certainly Paul was sensitive to the issue of reconciling his own teaching with the Lord Jesus after his conversion. Marriage issues included. His view of Christ as groom and church as bride clearly demonstrate a one flesh mentality in understanding of marriage.

1 Corinthians 7 though starts to cause us to question this unless we try to reconcile the idea of "no divorce, saving for cause of fornication" put forth by Jesus and Paul's idea of an unbelieving spouse being the deciding factor in terminating a marriage. In short in this chapter Paul's says as long as the unbeliever want the marriage to continue don't leave it but if they decide to terminate it, then let them. This adds another reason in the New Testament for allowable divorce - difference in faith in Christ.

We need to remember though that Jesus said the law would still be in effect until all was fulfilled and that included the law of divorce set forth by Moses. Jesus' explanation is that this allowed because of hardness of heart and I don't think he was nullifying divorce but helping people recognize the perils of it.

Taking these ideas to Paul's teaching means that Paul is recognizing a more specific application of Jesus' teaching. That application being a spouse with no faith in Christ is not going to be able to fulfill his ideal of marriage in his imagery of Christ and church and hardness is more likely to occur in such situations. One flesh in the higher sense of covenant marriage before God is not possible in such a union. Such a union is nothing more than a contract marriage which the Christian half should honor as much as possible, but if the spouse who is unbelieving decides to terminate the contract, 'a brother or sister is not in bondage in such cases'.

The other issue in 1 Corinthians 7 is the issue of sex in marriage. Paul's advice also centers on Jesus' teaching. In particular, the issue in Jesus' teaching about not all men (or women for that matter) can accept celibacy. Marriage then for Paul becomes a defence and outlet that is safe for sexual practice and his instruction not to withhold from each other indicates a strong understanding of sex as an ultimate expression of the 'one flesh' nature of covenant marriage.

Paul also makes the issue of polygamy difficult. Most of this is found in his instructions to Timothy and Titus about the qualifications for overseers and deacons with his expression: 'husband of one wife'. When I was growing up and in my formative ministry years, I was told that this meant that a overseer or deacon could not ever be divorced. I now reject this interpretation on the grounds that divorce is not mentioned. I truly think this is a restriction on church leaders from being polygamist.

Paul is dealing largely with new Gentile believers whose only Scripture is the Old Testament. In some parts of the Roman Empire polygamy was practiced, particularly in the eastern provinces. What needs to be considered is that when you couple allowable polygamy in a cultural sense and the fact that many of the great heroes of the Hebrew Scriptures are polygamist, polygamy is going to be seen as OK. Paul is basically saying then though that if a man decides to engage in polygamy he is disqualified from being a church leader.

Why? I think it is Paul's desire to make sure that all church leaders reflect the idea of Christ as groom and church as bride as much as possible. Covenant marriage is far easier to attain and be reflected this way in faithful monogamy. Polygamist households, as we have seen, have great difficulty with this, if they achieve it at all.

One more thing Paul brings up is death being the end of marriage in both senses in Romans 7:1-3 where he points out that a woman is only bound to a husband as long as he lives. Death then becomes the end point for marriage in this world in both a legal and covenant sense.

Next: Hebrews and Peter
Previous: Paul's Image of Christ and His Bride
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Marriage and the Bible - Part 31 - The Old Testament Marriage Issues

OK. Let's look at all the issues that the Old Testament presents and see what if anything is resolved before we hit Jesus.

Covenant verses Contract:

The real difficulty comes when defining what marriage is. Adam and Eve were one flesh and were husband/wife but did they have a marriage contract? I don't think so. What does seem to happen is there needs to be some way of recognizing who is with who and marriage as contract results in the culture of mankind. The purpose of a marriage also plays into this as some marriages are not about love. Contracts become inevitable as rights, responsibilities and duties need to be defined because of sin both in men and women. The practical issues in a fallen world become the rational for marriage contracts.

This also brings into things the concept of a contract wife or concubine. The purposes of which are either to produce children or sexual pleasure. In either case, this is not about love but practicality. The patriarchs used this extensively with handmaidens to their wives and later concubinage becomes very popular with kings. The concubine is for all practical purposes a second class wife. She receives what she receives while her husband is alive. After his death the family has no obligations toward her.

In some cases such concubinage was the result of death of older brothers and thus required younger brothers to raise up children for their family.

Most marriages are arranged and that means contract for the most part. Some rise above this but contract seems to be the norm in the Old Testament.

The main identification I want to make here is that there is a difference between a close one flesh relationship between a man and woman that I will call 'covenant marriage' and the kind of contract arrangement marriages (contract marriage) that involved practicality or pleasure for the man. This becomes the two ways you can look at marriage and even in the Old Testament it is pretty clear that the covenant is the aim; not contract, but contract marriages are not only allowed, they are not condemned.

Polygamy:

Early on in the Old Testament, polygamy is present. In all cases, the polygamy is one man with multiple women. The purpose is multi-fold: pleasure, procreation, status, etc. People ask why it was always one direction and the answer is simple. When a child is born everybody can see who the mother is. The only way to assure who the dad is, is to be the only guy who was having sex with the woman. Multiple men means question of who the father is so that form of polygamy is ruled out in this culture.

The bigger issue is when looking at the Bible on polygamy is that it makes no statement against it. In regulates it and protects the women involved in the law of Moses. Not all of the polygamist relationships in the Bible are seen as bad or having problems although a lot of them do. What you never see is the Old Testament is a condemnation of the practice.

Finally in regards to polygamy, one observation that could be made is that the more wives a man has the more difficult it becomes for him to develop a covenant marriage with any of them. His heart becomes to divided. You see maybe one wife rising to the top of the man's affection but the rest are just bed partners. Also, the more attention one gives to multiple wives there seems to be less time for God. Polygamy is not forbidden by the Bible, but it also could be said that once a man takes more than one wife, he has made a decision to have a bunch of contract marriages with less chance of finding one true covenant partner for life.

Divorce:

Divorce becomes and issue and putting away wives becomes a big issue. Divorce in the Old testament is strictly a man's preview and it seems open ended. That is, it could be allowed for any reason. What divorce recognizes in the end is that some marriages are nothing more than contracts and sometimes those contracts need to be dissolved.

The other thing though that can be said about divorce is that God hates it. He bluntly says so in Malachi. What we then have is one the one hand an allowance for divorce but also a statement from God himself that it is not a good thing and He hates it. The issue is not completely resolved.

Mixed Marriage:
The idea of mixing believe with unbeliever or in the case of Israel, Gentile with Jew, is bad from the word go. Not only does does the Old testament make strong statements against it; it also shows how perilous it can be. In particular how such mixed marriages can lead the people of God into idolatry. In some cases divorce was called for but it is not clear if this was just seen as a good idea or commanded by God. One thing is for sure, the idea of marrying outside the faith is condemned.

Women as second class citizens:
This is more of a feeling one gets from the Old Testament culture than anything else. Because of the prevalence of contract marriages and giving away of daughters to men for favors, heroic acts, etc.; you really get the feeling that women are held in regard for only three things: how they look, how many kids they can produce and who they are married to. This culture will be much the same when Jesus steps on the scene.

Malachi's statement along with others about wives not being divorced for any reason seems to cut against this, but for the most part women are completely subservient to men in the issue of marriage. Men control it and women are along for the ride.

Next: Jesus on divorce

Marriage and the Bible - Part 29 - Hosea's Marriages

Now here is where marriage and God's message to his people really get intertwined. I want you to put yourself in Hosea's shoes for a minute. In today's terms God is asking Hosea to go down to the red light district and find a prostitute who is herself a product of prostitution and then marry her. Why? So God can use Hosea's marriage as an illustration of what God's relationship is to his people. Hosea playing the role of God and Gomer playing the part of Israel. Hosea is further instructed to have children with this woman and each of them is given interesting names to illustrate the situation completely.

In chapter three, the situation gets even more interesting when Hosea is asked to enter into a second marriage with a woman who is loved by her husband and yet an adulteress herself.

Both marriages are symbolic of how a covenant relationship can go completely wrong. How faithfulness in marriage and the relationship God people have with Him is so very important. God loves his people but they play the harlot and commit adultery with other gods.

What follows is God yearning for Israel's return much like Hosea will for his wife. Love that is unconditional is illustrated here because both God and Hosea have every reason to divorce their wives, but both refuse to do so. There is a powerful image of sadness, longing and love that refuses to look at the situation but transcends it.

Next: Malachi and Marriage Treachery

Marriage and the Bible - Part 27 - Exile and Reconstruction

The End of history of the Old Testament has Israel in exile. The northern kingdom destroyed by Assyria and the southern kingdom destroyed by Babylon. During the exile, the issues of mixed faith marriages become more apparent. Not only the fact that there is less control by the people of God as a slave/conquered people class in these empires, but opportunity to keep marriages in the faith diminishes.

Ezra records the people returning to Jerusalem and rebuilding the temple. In the midst of this Nehemiah reconstructs the walls of the city. Noteworthy for Marriage discussion is chapter 9 and 10 of Ezra where it is reported that Israelite men had married foreign women. The actions that follow are somewhat controversial.

The fact that the elders require these men to divorce their wives, even if they had children by them seems harsh as well as the fact that both wives and children are asked to leave. What makes it seem odd to me is that the Law allowed for the marriage of Israelite men to foreign women, if those women were virgins, and thus by covenant made Israelite. It also seems to violate the law requiring women and their children to be taken care of by the man.

Further complicating the issue of mixed marriage and what to do about it is Queen Esther, who marries a Persian King and joins his harem of women. Once she does this she still considers herself to be Israelite although based on the culture she became Persian the moment she slept with King Ahasuerus. So it is OK for a Jewish woman to engage in mixed marriage if it saves the Jews, but it is not OK for Jewish man to do it because it violates God's law?!

Possible what needs to be considered is this is one of those situations where Ezra records what happened but given that God himself is not recorded as doing or saying anything, it may simply be like the end of Judges. Everybody thinks they are doing the right thing, but really God's mind is unknown. Also, given the list of offenders in Ezra 10 is short, this may be a case of men marrying women who were not virgins.

If this is the case, divorce for the purpose of purity of faith is presented and we shall see if any other writer picks this idea up.

Next: Marriage Imagery in the Major Prophets

Marriage and the Bible - Part 25 - Rehoboam and the Divided Kingdom

Rehoboam is Solomon's eldest son and as such at the time of his father's death becomes Israels new king. The only real problem was despite his father's instruction Rehoboam did not have any wisdom and the kingdom became divided between the northern ten tribes and the southern kingdom of Judah.

In regards to marriage, Rehoboam followed in his fathers footsteps and had many wives (18) and concubines (60) but it is said that he did love one above them all Maacah. Not as many as dad, but then again he was not as prosperous. It also indicates that he may have had one thing his father did not -- a close relationship covenant with one woman although in the context of polygamy.

This is the pattern for the rest of the kingdom period, if a king is prosperous it will mention that he also had many wives/concubines. If a king struggles, he might have one wife or there is silence. One thing is for certain, the idea of polygamy is ingrained in society and whenever a man has means he practices it.

One advantage this rampant polygamy had was the the line of David remains so large there is never a problem finding an heir to the throne. It meant that God was fulfilling his promise to David and one of those ways was to make sure the women attached to that line were both fertile, productive and many.

Next: Jezebel and Athaliah - Mixed Marriage Issues

Marriage and the Bible - Part 24 - Solomon's Marriage Downfall

1 Kings 11 is a telling chapter about the downfall of Solomon. Because he married so many women from so many lands, variety being the spice of polygamy after all, it lead to his spiritual downfall. He had so many wives that were foreign in their religion that eventually to make them happy he incorporated their idolatry into his own life making altars to all their gods. The majority of which were sexual/fertility gods. This was a direct violation of a command of God on two counts:idolatry and mixed marriage. David at least keep his marriages in the house of Israel.

This brings about a sad conclusion about Solomon and polygamy. How divided can one's heart get about God the more women a man has in his harem? Pretty divided. Not only does polygamy make it more difficult to have a one-flesh/truly intimate relationship with a woman, it also seems to create a God attention problem. You spend so much time pleasing all your wives, you have less or no time for God. There seems to be an ideal that Solomon strayed from that he mentions himself - 'rejoice in the wife of your youth'

One asks, "how is Solomon so wise, when he acts so foolishly?" The answer is one can have wisdom, but wisdom does not give you the dedication and will to follow it. Solomon knew and understood, but his wives robbed him of his will and dedication to God, the source of that wisdom.

If there is wisdom for us in Solomon, it is that marrying well means to keep an eye on the values and faith of the one who you wish to marry. You don't want your spouse to lead you from God.

Next: Rehoboam - A Pale Reflection of His Father.

Marriage and the Bible - Part 22 - Solomon - Polygamist Unleashed

Now I don't know if at any one time Solomon could look at the house of women on his palace grounds and say: 'Holy crap, there are 1000 women in there and I am married to each one of them' but over the course of his whole life Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. I say: HOLY CRAP! It is really good to be king! Or really taxing -- remember it is Solomon who wrote Proverbs 25:24 - 'It is better to live in the corner of the roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.' Given that each woman in his harem (gives a whole new definition of this word doesn't it) could have been contentious at any time, I wonder how much time he spent on the roof?

The logistics alone are staggering. To provide for such a group of women and their children meant Solomon made Bill Gates look like a pauper. You had to have money to prove you could take care of a girl before a dad would give his consent and the fact is, kings of other countries were handing over their daughters to Solomon with eager hands. His palace was HUGE. Everyone of them had their own room. This is RICH on a scale very few would understand.

Then there is sex. Talk about a guy who, as he is preparing for bed, could dial up what he wanted for the evening. Blond, redhead, brunette, tall short, athletic build, busty, light skin, dark skin, etc. etc. Talking about the choices might have taken a few minutes. Solomon comments of this in Ecclesiastes 2:8 - "... I provided for myself male and female singers and the pleasures of men - MANY Concubines." No kidding. The point is when it came to sex, Solomon had experienced it all by the end of his life. All of it legal too because he had a marriage contract with each and every one of these ladies. But there was no sexual activity with a woman he probably did not experience. In the end he calls it vanity and useless. Probably because all it ever was was sex.

The million dollar question (chump change for Solomon) is: "Did Solomon ever have a close, one-flesh, covenant relationship with any of these women?". I would say maybe one. The Shunamite maiden in the Song of Solomon is a possibility, but even there the language is one of erotic desire but there does seem to be a spiritual longing as well. However, with this maiden it is possible that even she was not Solomon's first wife, just maybe the only one he really had more feelings for than physical and emotional pleasure.

That said, the motivation for marriages for Solomon was multifaceted but few of them involved covenant. He married some for political alliance, some for financial gain and some because it seemed to be a good idea for whatever reason. Because of his already having many sons, his concubines really only have one use - sexual pleasure. In short, Solomon for all his wisdom and advice on letting the wife of your youth please you at all times, probably never really had a covenant one flesh relationship with any of his wives or concubines, at least not that we know of.

Polygamy my offer the man heightened chances at children and sexual pleasure, but it seems to deny a man the possibility of a close relationship with a woman. The more wives a man has, the more pronounced this is as Solomon, polygamist unleashed, demonstrates.

Next: Solomon's Marriage Wisdom

Marriage and the Bible - Part 21 - King David, His Wives and Concubines

Now David was a man after God's own heart right? Did that also include that we know for sure the guy was married to eight wives and had ten concubines as well. In addition there are other wives and concubines hinted at but unnamed. It is good to be King. The great thing about this is that it illustrates so many of the concepts we have been talking about up to this point.

Michal was David's first wife, she was the daughter of Saul and is given to David because he slew Goliath. At first this seems to be a couple very much formed in covenant style even though it is an arranged marriage. She helps David escape from her father. After that the relationship goes down hill. Saul gives her to another man and David after Saul's death has to get her back. I think once she discovered that she was not the only wife at that time, things got a little strained. Then there is the famous dancing before the ark incident where she makes fun of David's naked worship. She never bears David a child because of it.

While in Hebron, on the run and ruling over Judah, David marries six women: Ahinoam, Abigail, Maachah, Haggith, Abital and Eglah. Abigail is the most noteworthy as she saves her former husband from death only to have him die from the hand of God so she is free to marry David. Each of these women provides David with a son: Absolom and Amnon notable names among them. After they get to Jerusalem, he gets other sons and daughters through them as well. Talk about spreading out your gene pool.

Wife eight is Bathsheba who had been the wife of Uriah the Hittite. David's sin is chronicled well in the Bible but on thing of note is after Bathsheba is indeed David's wife, they have many sons including Solomon and their relationship seems close at the time. This closeness does not seem to last though, as in the end David and Bathsheba sleep in different rooms and she has to bow down before him to get her son Solomon the throne.

Perhaps the reason David does lose this close relationship to Bathsheba is the fact that he also takes on ten concubines. In this case, there does not seem to be procreation as the goal. David already has many descendants. There is only one word that this is about -- SEX. The reason he makes them concubines is if a pregnancy does result from his party time, they are covered by a marriage contract. This however introduces the concept of marriage as a pleasure contract not necessarily for procreation. A way to make your personal house of ill repute not to have ill repute. Nothing like a legal brothel so when you head to bed you know there is a warm willing female waiting. David feels something for these ladies though, as after they are defiled by Absolom, he makes sure they are taken care of for the rest of their life but he never touches them again.

Now there is some debate about the fact David took all of King Saul's former wives (Saulie-boy was a polygamist as well). It was common practice among kings to take the wives of other kings they had conquered. David does this, but was this a event where he made them his own wives and had sex with them or did he just assume responsibility for them because of Johnathan. Were they his wives or just his responsibility? The Bible does not say but the idea behind it would be they became his wives and that means sealing the contract with sexual intercourse. David getting more tail and getting to be a man after God's own heart in the bargain - Damn.

The sad thing about all these wives is that David never seems to have a one flesh/covenant type relationship with one of them exclusively. It seems that way briefly with Michal, Abigail and Bathsheba, but no one keeps David's full attention. When it came to his wives and concubines, David seems to be content with contract relationships for the purpose of creating descendants or pleasure, but he seems to have no interest in becoming one flesh with a single woman exclusively. David seems to be a man who simply had a large sexual appetite and had the ability to fulfill it because he was both prosperous and had power. He also had the rational that becasue he was king, he had to insure he had a son to take throne after his death.

Next: Solomon: Extreme Polygamist

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 20 -- Elkenah and His Two Wives

You know the thing I remember most about this story found in 1st Samuel 1 is that when I was a kid all I ever learned in Sunday School was that Hannah prayed and got a baby. It wasn't until I got to high school classes that I learned that Hannah was wife number two in a polygamist relationship. It seems in our culture mentioning that a man has two or more wives is rated "T" for Teen

The fact that often escapes notice is that one of the greatest men in Scripture; Samuel, is a child produced in a polygamist household. The last judge and the first prophet is the offspring of a man and wife number two. He will not be the only one.

This story illustrates a couple things we have seen before:

1. Polygamy -- in this case we see a few more negatives. Rivalry between the wives in producing children. The positive for the man in this culture is more children and bedroom options, but for the ladies there is competition to be that bedroom option so they can produce children.

2. One Flesh vs. Contract. The fact is that even though Elkenah's first wife produces him children, the relationship between him and this first wife is strained because of the favoritism he shows Hannah. The first wife (Peninnah) constantly harasses Hannah over it. Hannah and Elkenah are vary close as evidenced by his giving double portions and his famous question --"Am I not better to you than ten sons?" Peninnah -contract. Hannah - One Flesh.

This probably illustrates a possible problem with polygamy. There may simply be no way to avoid the fact that with multiple wives a husband is not going to gravitate to one wife over another or the others. We have seen this both here and with Jacob.

Next: David's Wives and Concubines.

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 18 -- Many Things Resurface

Time to get back on this series as I suspect it is going to take a while.

Now as we journey through Joshua and Judges some events reinforce what we have already talked about in past articles.

1. Caleb gives away a daughter to the man who captured a city for him. Nice prize.

2. While Gideon is probably most famous for his fleece (above), In Judges 8:30-31 he is noted for a couple of other things a) he had many wives and b) one of those wives was a concubine. Polygamy and concubinage

3. Jephthah was the son of a harlot, not a wife, of Gilead so when Gilead has other sons they drive him away. Difference between the wife and non-wife when it comes to legal obligations for the man become evident here. Also, it seems there are consequences for the children as well.

4. Samson illustrates several things: 1) The intermarrying issue comes up again as Samson desires women outside the Israelite camp and 2) Samson's original wife is given away to another man -- wives as trading cards again.

5. Judges 19 -- A Levite's concubine is raped and it is because the Levite and the host where they were staying offer her up to the Benjamites. Demonstrates the real second class citizenship of concubines in this culture. Even though later this rape would fire a civil war in Israel, throwing her to the dogs was apparently not a difficult decision.

6. Judges 21 -- the need for wombs in the tribe of Benjamin means women are acquired from two sources that involve kidnapping and battle. The tribe needed baby making marriages and they found the wombs necessary and married them to the surviving Benjamites.

Your probably wondering how the women felt about all this -- truth is because of living in this culture they would have accepted it. As long as a man was providing for her and her children as well as giving her respectability by being married and not a harlot or beggar, a woman had no personal problem sharing her bed with a man. She would have considered it her duty and obligation as a wife.

Next: Ruth - Romance at Last?

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 16 -- The Law of Moses

Looking Back at the Law of Moses concerning the issue of marriage I think it is safe to say we can make the following observations:

1. In many ways marriage can be defined in the Law a a contract between a man and a woman for the purpose of having and raising children.

2. This definition is significantly different from the idea of a man and woman becoming 'one flesh'. To be husband and wife in this sense goes a little beyond just having a contract to have children. The idea of being open and intimate with each other start right at the beginning 'naked and unashamed' is what Adam and Eve were before sin enters the picture.

3. As human history unfolds, the nature of marriage changes in many ways. a) Very quickly on we realize incest as we know it must not have existed because Cain and Seth would have had to marry their sisters, but at this time this is not forbidden by the law. Only later is the idea of incestuous marriages introduced by the Law. b) Polygamy is introduced very early one as an acceptable form of marriage. It becomes one of the chief characteristics of many of the characters in Genesis -- Lamech, Abraham, Jacob and Esau all follow this model. In some senses polygamy almost seems to a necessity in the producing of children in case the first couple fails to conceive, the handmaiden can be brought into the mix to produce a child.

4. Marriages are often arranged by others. There is little of romantic love involved. This is not a bust however as many of the arranged marriages work out.

5.One issue is intermarrying between the godly lines and the ungodly ones. The results are often disastrous so in the end the Law forbids the children of Israel from intermarrying.

6. One law that puts an interesting wrinkle on things is the law of an older brother's seed being preserved through a younger brother. It really brings home the 'sexual contract' only view of marriage.

7. Another Law is the law that requires a man to marry a woman if he seduces her and in so doing gives up his right to divorce.

8. That brings about the issue of divorce -- marriage as contract whose obligations can be set aside by the husband.

The thing that is sure is that at the beginning you have a situation where marriage does not exist so much as two people become one flesh but once sin enters it seems necessary to provide marriage as a way of enforcing the idea. This contract idea begins to express itself in different ways but always culture intrudes to bury the original intent of 'husband and wife".

Next: Giving Brides as Prizes

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 13 -- Wives as Possessions

What gets interesting as you get into the Law of Moses is the dealing with the idea of a woman as a wife also being a possession of the husband.
1. If a slave is given a wife for instance the wife still belongs to the owner unless the slave decides to bond himself to his master permanently.
2. Divorce is only one way -- it is almost like giving up title to a car today the way the law for divorce reads in the law.
3. Up till now wives are given and taken but there is almost no provision in the Bible for a woman to decided by her choice who she is to marry and the opposite is true for men.
4. The handmaiden laws and customs meant that in a sense the handmaiden was property of the mistress unless she gave that handmaiden to her husband -- then she became his.

Now this would change as we go along, but up till now what is presented by the Bible both in example and the law is women as a special kind of property. With some rights but not as much as men. We are still far from the end of this study, but if we were to stop here we would have to conclude women are a kind of property. Protected and valued, but property nonetheless.

Next: Other Laws Regarding Marriage and Women

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 8 -- Lest We Forget Esau

Esau is ultimately removed from God's plan. Because he was a polygamist? No. Although he did marry several women including some daughters of Ishmael as well as a few local girls. Esau's major grief to his parents when it came to his marriages was not how many, but who. In short, Esau married women he did not consult his parents about and women who were idoloters.

What I think this illustrates is marriage can be bad by simply one thing -- having no consideration of the spiritual leanings and strength of your future spouse. This draws the issue of marrying beleivers vs. non-beleivers into the discussion as well as parental involvment in a marriage.

Next: The Intermarrying Issue Again Already!

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 7 -- Jacob, Necessary Polygamist?

Changed the title because as I thought about it Jacob's polygamy, though he was tricked into it, becomes used by God to build the nation of Israel. It is in fact the how of there are twelve tribes is due to Jacob's many children, possible becasue of his four wives.

There are also several issues in this like Leah's basically being handed off to a man who didn't want her. Still married but were they husband and wife? Was their really a 'one flesh' relationship beyond the sexual between them? Based on what happens -- probably not. So what was their 'marriage'?

One thing that does need to be considered is what would have happend had Jacob only had one wife and produced all his children through her. Genetically, there would have been problems if this had been the case. With four wives genetics spreads out and allows for more latitude.

The one thing that the story of Jacob's family does illustrate is the problems of a polygamist household. Leah and Rachel basically have a baby making contest and when they can't do it anymore they involve the handmaidens. But is this really a problem of polygamy itself or simply the way these marriages came about? More likely the later.

Next: Lest We Forget Esau

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 5 -- Abraham the Polygamist

Now one thing that is often overlooked is that Abraham too was a polygamist but through a new concept at this point in the Bible -- concubinage. In the first case Hagar is offered to Abraham by Sarah (I always like to point out to people this was Sarah's idea). In Abraham's day this was common practice if the wife could not produce an heir, always nice to have a backup womb. Now we might argue that this was them not acting in faith. Maybe so but for the rest of Hagar's life she is considered to be Abraham's concubine/wife. In addition this is not the only concubine Abraham will take. After Sarah's death in Genesis 25, while Issac is being comforted by his new wife, Abraham takes a second concubine -- Keturah. She bears Abraham six children. Hagar is still alive. Two concubines for Abraham and the second one is by his own choice.

What this introduces to our discussion is the issue of concubinage -- the second class wife if you will. Basically, such wives are wives of convenience or necessity. They are their to bear the husband children but they and their children do not receive any inheritance after the husband's death should the first wife bear an heir. In Abraham's case both his concubines received stuff while he was alive but after he was dead only Isaac received the rest of his Father's inheritance. This is clearly a case of contractual obligation in a marriage and maybe defines the difference between a husband wife relationship by choice and a marriage agreement for practical purposes.

Next: Isaac's Arranged Marriage.

Marriage and the Bible -- Part 1 -- The Questions

New Series. I know I still have Series on Revelation out there but I am not ready to continue it so I am looking at something new.

Marriage. Now i am not going to give 7 steps to a healthier marriage. I am also not here to reinforce what everyone says marriage is my question is -- What does the Bible Say Marriage is? When does God according to his word recognize that a couple is married? These two questions have a whole batch of questions tagged with them.

1. Is there a difference between marriage and being husband and wife? Some say there is, are they right?

2. Does a license, vows and sexual intercourse constitute marriage or does the Bible give an actual moment of marriage that is definable?

3. Are other types of marriage bonds acceptable? Polygamy? Homosexual? Group?

4. Can someone become unmarried to God's view? Divorce?

Now other questions may come up but these are good for starters. My method will be much the same as always: Observe what the Bible says, try to interpret what it means, apply it to real life and the draw it all together with what I already know.

Next: Were Adam and Eve Married?