Marriage and the Bible - Part 46 - Modern Challenges: Open Marriage

Open marriage is defined as a marriage where both spouses agree that they may each engage in extramarital sexual relationships without those relationships being regarded as infidelity.  In short both sides say that cheating isn't cheating.  Looking above at a copy from a page from a book advocating open marriage you can see the general perspective as one that allows freedom of the individual and a value on honesty and truth in a relationship.  Or so it is stated and believed by those who practice and promote open marriage.  Historically, in the United States open marriage has been popular at two times: the 1970s during the sexual revolution and right now.  From a biblical point of view is this an allowable form of marriage?  Is the swinger cry of: "It ain't adultery if my spouse says its OK." true? 

There are some Biblical passages to consider here.  The most direct teaching is 1 Corinthians 7:4 where it is stated plainly that a wife does not have power over her own body, but her husband does and visa versa.  So if a man wilfully says to his wife that it is OK for her to go out and engage in extramarital sexual activity is he in a sense exercising this power?  Another thing to consider is at certain points in polygamist relationships the marriage is partially open.  If a man is married to a wife and seeking a second, some behaviours could be seen as extramarital activity until the second woman agrees to marriage.  If this is OK why would the idea of open marriage be not OK?

Firstly, I would like to say that open marriage must be classified as purely a cultural contract marriage.  Covenant marriage requires wilful sexual faithfulness and so once a couple is talking open marriage they are dickering about the terms of the marriage contract.  In particular the line that says: "Forsaking all others, keep you only unto her/him".  That stated, is such a contract allowable by the Bible?

The Bible in cultural context is trying to protect a few things with its view of marriage and one of them is children.  When a child is born, the main protection of the child knowing who its parents are is that no one else has been with mommy but daddy.  Modern proponents of open marriage however argue that with modern birth control this could be curbed.

The other thing the Biblical views of marriage try to protect is health.  If the Biblical pattern for marriage were followed worldwide, even including the various forms of polygamy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) would disappear in a couple generations.  Once again Open marriage advocates argue that condoms could stop this too.

The problem with both things is that no birth control is perfect and no condom is fail safe.  Human gadgets are always prone to error and defect.  No matter what happens this is true because both also require that humans use them correctly.  Sorry, this is simply true to the point that even the manufacturers of said instruments say "99.9% effective if used correctly" to save against lawsuits.

These objections however do not deal with the biblical issue, I simply want to state for the record that this seems culturally OK, but it has its practical problems that could become huge monsters. 

The biblical problem is 1 Corinthians 7:4 does not directly say that the giving of the power of your spouses body for sexual gratification of another is wrong.  Paul in the same book; however, has a very dim view of fornication and that is where open marriage fails biblically.  Fornication would still be taking place from a biblical point of view as any sex outside any type of marriage contract is considered fornication.  Fornication is declared to be a sin so the extra martial sexual encounters become a biblical no-no.

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