Sexuality, the Church and America -- Part 4 -- Friends with Fringe Benefits

I first heard the term 'friends with fringe benefits' back about ten years ago but it seems to have gained steam over the years. The term basically refers to a couple or other situation that people are not considering any long term relationship but are willing to have casual sex. In my ministry, I have encountered several couples who had this sort of relationship. 'Were just friends' but then a long passionate kiss or comment later and it is clear that the friendship is more than platonic. It is a sexual friendship with no expectation that it will be anything other than that.

Casual sex is making a comeback of sorts. The sexual revolution of the 70s was big but the AIDS issue of the 80s slowed things down a bit. Recently though it seems it is getting larger again, probably do to the fact of increasingly open sexual education, a topic of mine for an earlier post, but for now lets deal with the existence of casual sex and who it affects. Well, just about everybody. Since I have turned forty, my e-mail has had no less than three spam type e-mails inviting me to join sites that for all practical purposes are not about relationships but casual sex. Also my advertising that gets place in front of me while I am getting my e-mail has much the same thing in the sidebar from time to time. Don't think this is odd, I hear it happens to everybody because the assumption is that once you hit mid life you want to take chances and do something different and one of the areas this happens most often is sex.

Why is this dangerous? Because it assumes that sex is purely a physical act for fun with no other possible consequences other than pregnancy (which can be avoided through birth control) or a STD (avoided through condom use). These two issues aside, the fact is there is something going on here that goes larger than just the physical.

What exactly happens when a couple has sexual intercourse? The Bible describes this in a couple of ways:
1. 'Knowing' -- Adam knew his wife.... -- more than just sex it is a knowing of the other person in a way you cannot know someone without sex. From personal experience I can tell you there are things I know about my wife's spirit, emotions, mind and body that no one else knows because I have had sex with her and she with me. These things no one else will every know unless we violate our marriage covenant. Which I have no plans on doing, of course, but such a violation causes such knowledge to leak out to others who have no business knowing what we know, should it take place.
2. Becoming one flesh. The union of husband and wife is called this but Paul also uses this term do describe the actions of a man and and a harlot -- 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 (verses 15-16 in particular).

Looking at sexual intercourse theologically this means that something happens every time sexual intercourse takes place that is a knowing of the other person on all levels that binds a person to the other and makes them one flesh. When sin is committed in sex, it usually involves not respecting this union and the spiritual and mental/emotional side of it as well.

This is why the Law of Moses prescribed automatic marriage for couples caught in fornication. 'Dad I'm pregnant and Jake is the father" had automatic consequences -- the man and woman were married immediately and the man lost his option to divorce the girl. (I wonder what would happen if we enforced that one today?). The union was assumed and sex is what caused it to happen.

Paul comments directly on this in relationship to fornication (in his case fornication was the casual sex involved in pagan rites of worship) and makes the following points in 1 Corinthians 6:
1. The body is for the Lord
2. God has raised us up by His power
3. Our bodies are thus members of Christ
4. If we join in fornication with someone we are making the body of Christ joined with that person in fornication -- in his case he says by doing this a person was making the body of Christ a member with a harlot.
5. Regardless if there is a marriage covenant or not, sexual intercourse makes two people one in the spirit as well as flesh.
6. Fornication is a sin against a person's own body for we are joined to Christ
7. Our body is the temple of the holy Spirit we should treat it accordingly.
8. Because we have been bought with a price, including our bodies, we should glorify the Lord in our bodies.

Now, lets get back to this friends with fringe benefits thing. The fact is that when you and you friend have sex you are joining yourself to at all levels (spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically). This has an affect on all these areas because once you come apart from each other and go different ways you will never be the same because you know the other person in a way others do not on all levels. That is until you or they have sex with someone else. Regardless of what you think is happening this is what the Bible says is happening. Our society and culture may have changed, but the Word of God has not. This why, no matter what people may say about it, people are unhappy about their casual sexual relationships over time. Because there you are 'knowing' someone intimately but forcing yourself to deny it. It is this denial that something is wrong and our effective treating each other as objects for sexual gratification that cause this -- SIN.

Now I have no problem with the idea that sex is fun and should be fun. What I have a problem with is that you can have fun with sex without commitment in marriage without spiritual and other consequences before yourself and God and your relationship to him will suffer for it. When you first treat the person as a person by committing yourself to them for life in marriage and then explore the fun of sex, then the 'knowing' gained can be shared in complete confidence and trust.

For the Christian there can be no such thing as 'friends with fringe benefits'. The church therefore must take an active stand against such relationships in any way it can without being a bunch of moral judges that condemn people. This sin is pardonable and once true salvation enters, then and only then does the law of God really come in force. My personal stance has always been to tell such couples to forget me marrying them and just head to the justice of the peace, magistrate or whatever and get the piece of paper. You are already married just let the law know it.

IMHO

Next: Polygamy

The Book of Revelation -- Part 2 -- The Blessing of Understanding

Verse three of chapter one contains an often overlooked beatitude that involves people who can understand this book of prophecy. Specifically, those who read it, hears it and heeds it. This brings up several points to consider:

1. The people who read this prophecy could receive a blessing from reading it. It was not designed to cause fear but bring blessing.
2. To read or hear the prophecy brought about the possibility of the blessing of revelation.
3. It is the heeding of the prophecy that brings about the blessing.
4. There is also a final line that speaks volumes -- 'the time is near' which indicates expedience.

The fact is that Revelation had a blessing to it; if you take the time to find it. For me this is a wonderful find because I have always avoided this book other that to read it on occasion. Now there is something to strive to discover. To heed these words leads to a blessings. The real question is how to heed and understand it?

Next: The Message to the Seven Churches

Church Antagonism -- Part 7 -- Recovering from Antagonism -- Church

Churches suffer in antagonism. During and antagonistic bought you will see people leave, rarely will people stay if they visit. Those that get to the end survive and ultimately have to face the future. There is a long list of things the church and individuals should not do after antagonism has been defeated:
1. Don't stop ministry for a rest period. Many people in both my churches who had been under the gun and then suddenly the problem went away did this. Ministry is a lot like prayer and other things that provide spiritual growth and healing, when you stop doing it you lose that avenue for growth and healing.
2. Don't take a break from the vision of the church. The vision God has given the leadership for you church actually can be your saving grace. What it does is allows you focus on something other than the hurt at least for a little while and if done with the Spirit can bring to your church the one thing that is needed above all else -- new people.
3. Don't sweep the thing under the rug and move on. I know that this seems to contradict the two above but to think you can just dump the soul crushing pain of conflict gone bad and move on is not wise. There must be a plan to rebuild relationships and hearts.
4. Become defensive. Many people after surviving antagonism decided to build a bunch of walls and systems to keep it from happening again. The real thing is not to prevent this by defensive measures but offensive. To make sure people are prepared to DO what is right in the face of these things, not just shield themselves.

Some things that do need to be done: (now, these are mine from a long process of thinking on how to get people in a church past antagonism to life)
1. Establish small groups -- not just any small groups, but ones that hold people accountable for their spiritual walk and prayer together. If I could I would make it mandatory for every member to be a part of it. Why? To reestablish relationships and recover from damage. Like it or not people are hurting and they need an outlet to be prayed for and ministered to.
2. Develop a proactive and health approach to dealing with conflict. Conflict is normal and teaching Biblical principles on conflict resolution is very helpful. When you can teach people to focus on the issue at hand rather than the persons involved you have done your church a great service. Leadership needs to model this at all levels.
3. Never let an issue simmer -- deal with it as an issue and get a resolution on it especially if someone gets angry. To many times we let the devil wedge in his agenda through unresolved issues or anger.
4. Be prepared to counsel on all areas -- things happen and like ministers people do a lot of things to cope and often they are sinful and destructive. Be prepared to open your heart to whatever counseling is needed to help these people.

FINIS

Sexuality, the Church and America -- Part 3 -- Homosexual Marriage

Isn't it interesting how sometimes things come together that you didn't expect or look for? Like my post for today and the decision yesterday to allow active and practicing homosexuals to be ordained in the Evangelical Lutheran Church (ELC). I really wonder how they can claim to be Evangelical (there is little conservative evangelicalism in this decision) or Lutheran (Can we really see Martin Luther advocating homosexuals in the pulpit), but then again nothing surprises me these days.

There is absolutely no Biblical basis to say homosexuality is justified by God. In fact, quite the opposite is true. God looks at homosexuality as one of the great sins. Right up their with adultery and rape. Homosexuality is listed by multiple Biblical authors as a sin that will destroy you covenant with God both in the Old and New Testaments. Yet here we are not only fighting about homosexual marriage but whether or not to let such people in the pulpit to preach the Word they are violating.

Now, I want something understood, I consider adultery to be just as bad and I have a fit where many denominations have rehab stuff for ministers caught in infidelity but not in homosexuality. Both are equally abhorrent to God. It is only in our minds that we make one above the other. In the Law of Moses both were punishable by death along with rape, murder and sorcery. (Not fornication, couples caught in 'trouble' are simply required to get married with no option for divorce) The reason I say this is I know many churches where homosexuals are forbidden to attend but people in adultery are openly allowed to go. Sorry, double standard. Sexual sin is sexual sin.

Now, in our relationship with the world I think we need to realize not everyone is a Christian and we can't go around legislating morality or in the end homosexual marriage. The battle is not over on this but I believe it will end with some states having homosexual rights. California surprised me. but don't think that is forever. Just means California gays will probably take their case to a higher court which is what they have been looking for in the first place. What we will see is gays immigrating to states that allow them their wishes. Ultimately legislation solves nothing, if people want to engage in sin, they will do so whether it is legal or not. Only the gospel and the changed life through its acceptance stops homosexuality, adultery or any other sin. This gospel is very difficult to preach to someone if they look at you as an enemy political force or trying to take away their rights.

Homosexual marriage has some implications to other things normally seen in this issue.

1. If the homosexuals get their way, what other marriage situations will suddenly petition to have equal rights: polygamy (subject of another post in this series) -- which might include one man with multiple women or *gasp* a woman with multiple men and group marriages of all types (One form is 'line marriage' with men and women sharing each other -- say three men and four women -- the combinations are endless -- for the purpose creating and raising children -- a la Robert A. Heinlein's views in his science fiction) and open marriages. Or is it open if hubby is dating his perspective fourth wife? Yipe, this gets confusing doesn't it
2. Homosexual and other marriage situations listed above in the church. (I think it might be very interesting for some guy to come into my church and introduce me to his wives!)

The church's response will be interesting because as you can see in some churches like the ELC they accept such things and it makes no difference to many of them if your homosexual or polygamist (See the Mormons in certain places). But what about those good ole boy conservative Evangelicals?
1. We will take the morally superior position and blast people for their lack of moral fortitude that we obviously possess and they don't.
2. We will enter the halls of government as moral crusaders trying to fix every body's bad morality and make things right.
3. When we fail, (and we will fail -- we have been failing with this tactic for over fifty years) we will advocate isolation and casting out with no hope of reconciliation. Creating our own Christian enclaves shut off from the world Jesus loves but is lost in sin.

Not good, but then again it is what we do, even if it hasn't ever ultimately worked. What might work is never done, because we are always looking for someone to blame for the fall of morality in the United States and the real answer is not them, but us. We stopped making change about the gospel and instead left it to the courts and legislatures. We really don't believe in the power of the Holy Spirit or the gospel anymore, if we did we would use them more for this and other situations.

Next: Friends with Fringe Benefits

The Book of Revelation -- Part 1 -- The First Line May Tell All.

"The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave to Him to show His bond-servants, the things which must soon take place; ..."

There is something about the actual written title of a book that usually tells something about its contents. There is something too this in this book called Revelation

1. This book is ultimately, first and foremost, designed to reveal Jesus Christ. The future is a secondary and simply the place in which Jesus will reveal himself, but it is the revelation of Christ itself that the book says is central to its contents.

2. This book was given to anyone who calls himself a bond-servant of Christ. This makes it have a universal application to anyone who wants Christ revealed to them in the now.

3. Jesus promises to reveal himself in the future and it is in this revelation that Christ will show more of himself.

What is not stated here is that the contents of the book are a revealing of seven year time period called by evangelicals the Tribulation or the Millennium that follows. What it does say is about what 'things which must soon take place'. 'Soon' is a very relative word. 'Soon' to who? The book already looks at time in a relative way right out the gate. What's to make us think the whole time frame of the book is not also relative. Some thing taking place quickly and then huge gaps of time between other events. It also opens up the possibility that some of the contents may be very symbolic with nothing to do with time at all. They may just reveal a greater understanding about Jesus Christ.

Next: The Blessing of Understanding

Church Antagonism -- Part 6 -- Recovering From Antagonism -- The Minister and His Family

I wouldn't be writing this article if people did a better job of following Matthew 18:15-18 in the first place because then a lot of antagonistic situations would be dealt with with good solid confrontation and redemption. But as it is we do things in a more political correct model of non-offensive action that solves nothing or the minister and or others think the Christian thing to do is nothing and the result is sinful situations that hurts people. Because of these things antagonism goes the wrong way and victims are left in its wake. Most notably, the minister and his family get hit hard in most cases.


Now, if a minister is caught in an affair or some other sin, there are at least one hundred resources to draw on to rehab the minister and his family. Counsel, financial resources, job support and other things are available to such a minister. The fact is that there are very few resources available to ministers who are victims of antagonistic churches and situations. If I had the money I would work to change it, but being antagonism has almost ruined me financially twice, I appeal to others to change this. The few resources that are available are expensive (something most minsters cannot afford in these situations) or limited to dealing with the recovery phase of counseling not the crisis phase itself.


When a minister is under the gun the most important thing he needs is constructive counsel. The 'be warmed and filled, we will pray for you' counsel I received from the leadership of my denomination was not helpful. It did very little to help the situation and to be blunt, it violated Scripture in several instances. The fact is one of the most helpful things denominations could provide to ministers -- counseling centers -- is often not there. Denominations in many cases do not think of keeping and developing ministers through problems - -they just try to get things to be good and spend money on the gospel and others things. Let's get real though, antagonism happens and the victims deserve better than what they get. Just because denominations want to think happy thoughts does not mean it always happens.


If a pastor is forced out of a church. There are many needs. Chiefly, how is a minister going to support his family. For myself, I spent almost two years unemployed because in both cases jobs were scarce. This is why in the second case I asked for 90 days severance. I got an argument instead about whether or not they should charge me rent. Here they were kicking me out of my home (the parsonage), my job (being a minister) and my church, and they were complaining about having to give me some money to get by for a while, as I looked for a job and on top of it all wanted to charge me rent. I have been a strong advocate now for years because of this, that if a minister should receive 90 days severance if removed for any reason. Sin is one thing, but personal conflict should not be the cause a man to loose his ability to take care of his family. If you really want to say 'this is for the best' then pay for it. If it really isn't personal, then pay for it. It may cause some people to think twice if getting rid of the pastor is going to cost their church something. The irony of the situation at my second church was they wanted me out of town, but because they choked off my financial resources I didn't have the means to leave.


Losing a church HURTS. I can't describe how angry it makes you feel. Pastoring is a large risk on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. Congregations that understand this are a blessing to a pastor. There is usually nothing physically demanding about pastoring (work days and painting the church aside) but the emotions get very much involved. You care about people and love them, and then when they basically kick you to the curb -- it hurts. During my two years recovery I have had only the counsel of friends and family to get me through, but many of those simply do not understand. Recovery would take less time if there was a good counselor at your side who understands but more often than not -- no such counselor exists for pastors and families that go through antagonistic church situations. Need counseling is necessary in a lot of areas:
1. Career -- What do I do now?
2. Marriage -- Sorry stress produces stress and often marriages are the thing that suffers.
3. Children -- Do not think the pastor's kids are immune to hurt? I have one some who wants nothing to do with conventional church and another who seems to have no faith at all. They have made their own decisions about this but part of the thing that drove them away was how people treated them as pastor's kids --as if being a pastor's kid puts a special halo around your head or something.
4. Financial -- As detailed above.
5. Addiction -- Some things pastors and family members do to 'feel' better when under the gun are addictive and destructive.

If you are a victim of antagonism find what you can but one thing is for sure you might have trouble. If you ever need someone to e-mail contact me.

Next -- Recovering from Antagonism -- Church Recovery.

The Prosperity Gospel Considered by Solomon

I haven't really be giving a pulpit report from my preaching because I have been writing a book on the subject of Ecclesiastes but one thought that struck me about today's sermon on chapter 5:10-20 was how it stood in stark contrast to the prosperity gospel. It was actually a thought that came to me after I had finished speaking but there are several points I think Solomon would make to the prosperity preachers that would make their view look foolish:

1. That those who love abundance and the increase of wealth are engaged in vanity
2. When goods increase, those who consume them increase
3. That a good night's sleep is better than riches.
4. Riches can be horded to a person's hurt.
5. In the end we come into this world naked and we will return the same so the accumulation of anything is chasing after the wind.
6. The good and fitting thing is to be joyful over what God has given you regardless of economic status and to enjoy it in peace.

I guess I would believe the prosperity gospel more, if there were not so many warnings about becoming rich and setting your heart on riches IN SCRIPTURE. In this case Solomon warns that setting one's heart of riches robs you of the ultimate prosperity -- love, joy and peace. You can be rich and have these things but if riches steal them, then better not to be rich.

As a minister I find the prosperity gospel to be more the product of the current materialism of the Western World than an honest consideration of Scripture. The prosperity gospel gives Christians a justification to acquire and hoard goods in the name of Christ. Some of the fruit I have seen is old ladies giving up their social security checks to these preachers (the majority of funding for these guys and gals comes from this source), people buying things on credit believing God will supply the funds to pay for them and stinginess to the local church because the minister wouldn't preach this false gospel (no lie, I had one couple tell me that if I didn't start preaching it they would stop tithing). These false teaches seem to be doing well these days but I think many of their followers put themselves in a position of real poverty to support them. I find the whole lot of these preachers a little distasteful.

Solomon at least recognized, despite his great riches (think Bill Gates on steroids), that that was not what gave life meaning or significance. It was the ability to enjoy God's gifts in peace of heart and mind. That is something you can take with you through death to Christ's side.

Sexuality, the Church and America -- Part 2 -- Pornography

I originally was going to talk about the issue of homosexual marriage as part two but the issue of pornography and public nudity have a link that needs to be considered. The issue involves the definition of pornography and what changes would be made to that definition if women are allowed to show their breasts in public. Suppose in ten years ladies of the 'topfree' movement have won a national decision that allows them to be 'topfree' in any public places a man can. What then happen to all the pictures involving women with exposed breasts? Are they still considered porn? Probably not. What that means is that certain covers of magazines would change. For example (once again I am not trying to freak anyone out with this picture but I need a real life illustration to make my point), here is a cover from Maxim magazine:

This cover is indicative of a lot of men's magazines that do not necessarily contain naked pictures but if 'topfreedom' is achieved this lady would be allowed to drop her arm and hand without fear of prosecution for the magizine. Now, I pass the magazine racks everyday at my job and when I shop as well and so do a lot of other people. If women can be 'topfree' in public, then the covers of magazines would then be allowed to do the same. The issue I have is suddenly being forced to explain to children what is going on and why that women can show her breasts now and what are they? If I was a parent of small children and did not want my child to be exposed to this kind of thing, I would be out of luck. The store could say: "no shirt, no shoes no service" but I still have to go by the magazine rack where breasts would be visible.

Another issue would be Internet porn. What I mean is suppose you are using a filter of a secular nature and the filter does not allow you to filter out exposed female breasts because of the changes in the law. Your kid could be doing a report on some famous female celebrity and wham there is a picture of that celeb with herself exposed. Happens a lot these days.

That then brings up the question of then what does constitute pornography -- pictures of sexual genitalia and sexual acts only? This leaves a lot of wiggle room for a lot of other things because you dealing with the fine line of when exactly does an image become sexually explicit. That line would be even finer and more difficult to see.

The Church has never dealt with this issue well to begin with and this would make it even worse. Gentlemen we are going to have to live in a world when the sexually suggestive poses are going to be less suggestive and more overt and this going to mean a necessary change in the way we deal with this temptation. Ladies understand that your competition level for your husband's or boyfriend's attention will become more difficult. The 'topfreedom' movement may have a few good points, but I don't know if they see all the ramifications of their actions should they succeed. Pornography would be one issue that will certainly be affected.

Christians need to be ready for this change and not get overly bent out of shape about it, but take action that shields ourselves from the temptations that will be associated with these possible changes. I don't think we can stop this from happening in the very near future and the plan need to be one not of protest but one of reaching people (despite their ethical differences with us) for Christ with the life changing gospel.

IMHO

Next: Homosexual Marriage ( I mean it this time)

The Book of Revelation -- Is it really what we think it is?

My thoughts on the book of Revelation have always been cloudy and the only thing I think John Calvin did that was truly smart was he never wrote a commentary on it. Perhaps a lesson to the rest of us, but here I go making a series of posts on the subject of Revelation. I remember sitting in Sunday School as a teen when they taught about the end times (eschatology is the technical term) and asking the question of -- what if everyone is wrong? It is not an inconceivable option and as I went through my education I realized a few things:

1. The doctrine of the Rapture as most evangelicals have come to know it has only been around since the 19th century.

2. The doctrine of the Great Tribulation hinges on a single passage in Daniel that could be interpreted as fulfilled already in the fall of Jerusalem in 70AD. See Daniel 9:24-27 for details.

3. The seven year tribulation timeline that is superimposed on the book of Revelation has its origins in both western thoughts of time and is only a recent phenom as it also has its origins in the 19th century.

4. "Seven" is put against many things in Revelation -- horns, trumpets, vials, seals, etc. One thing it is not put against is 'years'. Yep, for all the talk about a seven year tribulation, there is never a time in the Bible where the concept of a seven year time period and a great tribulation are linked.

5. Now, I also have different ideas on how the God of the Bible relates to time (aka as open theism) and I am wondering how that might affect my interpretation of the book of Revelation? I also wonder if all I had was the book of Revelation, how would I interpret it without referencing other books of the Bible?

So discarding the one wise thing John Calvin did (hey, I have already discarded everything else he did, so I might as well throw the last thing out), here I go into the wonderful world of Revelation and the great effort in this series, which may take a quite a while, is to let the book speak for itself. Onward and Upward.

Church Antagonism -- Part 5 -- Dealing with Antagonism

There are a few prelims to deal with in antagonistic situations. The biggest thing to remember is to make sure your dealing with an antagonistic situation. Conflict is normal in a church and if handled in a healthy manner can be constructive. Antagonism has two factors to look for. 1) A Person or persons who no matter what compromise is reached it is never enough. 2) Intense feelings that result only in anger and frustration.

One final thought -- remember some antagonists really, really believe they are doing the right thing, so communications may be very difficult. Antagonists do not want to reason or debate a point, they want to dominate and force their will on everyone else.

Steps in dealing with an antagonistic situation or person:

1. Pray -- you are engaging in spiritual warfare here. If you do not pray, you will be sucked up in the emotions of the situation instead of deal with it effectively. Pray and keep praying.

2. Confront them with the truth of the Word. Confrontation is difficult enough when it is opinion verses opinion, so make sure the Biblical question is addressed. If the antagonist has used gossip -- give evidence of it and point out verses that deal with that, etc.. Deal with everything and lay it on the line with the Bible.

3. If they refuse to listen, then take it to the board of the church. If it is the board that is the problem, then you might want to talk to the pastor and let him know he is not alone. Make a plan to talk to people and bring some people that agree with you to confront the person again with the problem.

4. If they fail to listen take it to the next meeting of the congregation. If it is only once a year, then call for one. If you are the pastor, do this. Don't be afraid but deal with it. If you are a member, find out how to call a church meeting and do so. Bring the matter up in the same way as before before the church. If the people still don't listen, move for their removal from the church. Even if you are not successful, a message will be sent. If you are successful, you will be surprise how much burden will lift off everyone in the church and the antagonists involved will get a wake up call.

If you are in leadership, stand your ground
If you are not in leadership, keep the support up and do something constructive. The biggest thing people can do is not gossip about the thing and confront gossip when you hear it.

Antagonists in power will of course fight this and may succeed in defeating you, but if that is the case then you will know one thing for sure -- the situation has been dealt with with one final step.

5. Contact denominational leadership, if you have any. If they do not help ( a situation that happens more and more these days-- I will deal with this in a later post) then you need to make some gut level decisions on your place in the church and whether to stay and continue to fight or leave.

One way or another, the situation will be dealt with and you will have some sense of resolution of the future. Hopefully the antagonists are gone (yes, this is a good thing), although you may have to deal with the gossip they spread after they leave. Don't hold out any illusions they will change until after they leave. If they haven't left, well you have decisions to make. Round Two or the Door. One note, if you are supporting the pastor and he has decided to stay -- stick with him. If he has decided to leave, stay with him to the last day.

Next: Recovering from Antagonism -- The Minister and His Family

Sexuality, the Church and America -- Part 1 -- Public Nudity

This is a new series based on some observations I made a week ago about the future of sexual morality in America. In this post, I want to look more fully at the issue of public nudity. The backdrop of this is my series Nudity, Modesty and Culture (If you haven't read it, do so and then come back) where I deal with the following related topics on this issue:

1. That nudity from a Biblical point of view consists of what the apron area of a persons body.
2. The idea of nakedness and women's breasts is never connected in Scripture.
3. Modesty Biblically is supposed to be a matter heart and spirit but the church often makes it a matter of dress and covering up.
4. In the end, modesty is culturally defined.

Which leads us to the culture war between Christians and the secular world of the USA about public nudity. There are significant things to consider here as I look at the news and issues coming up very soon.

1. Several women's groups, lead by the Topfree Equal Rights Association (TERA) are advocating equal rights for women to go topless (topfree) in the same places men can -- You can go to their web site but understand they have many pictures of 'topfree' women so if this bothers you don't go. A good chunk of the main supporters are women who breastfeed which have increased TERA's membership in number since the whole Facebook breastfeeding fiasco. There are also a growing number of women who simply see this as a constitutional issue. The argument leveled is that if a man can appear in public without a shirt a women should also be allowed to do so as well. They see this as a question of equal rights under law. The inequality being that a man is only considered naked if he exposes his genitals but a women is also considered indecent if she shows her nipples (by the way this is why a woman can show every part of her breast on those magizine covers as long as she covers her nipples). They further argue that in reality women's breasts do not constitute actual nudity as they really don't have a sexual function but a nurturing one.
2. There of course are many nudist organizations which I will not chronicle but suffice it to say they do not see nudity as a problem but maintain that a person should be allowed to dress or undress as they see fit.
3. Currently there are six states that allow some form of topfree rights for women and two others engaged in legal battles over the issue -- in every case the women have won and I predict they will continue to do so. It also should be noted that in many local areas there are topfree rights already in place by local ordinance and these are changing in favor of the women as well. Bourbon Street in New Orleans has been this way for many years but now they are definitely not alone. Ladies you may already have 'topfree rights' where you live and not know it.

How the Christian culture responds to these things is typical. There is a cry of outrage followed by a blaming society for the moral slippery slope. The self righteous judgment game follows where we all feel better about ourselves and our righteousness by looking down on those that engage in these practices. I would have to say this is not effective. A few observations:

1. Lust as a problem does not exist in these women or nudists -- it is a problem of each individual human heart. If the whole world dressed like the Amish, lust would still exist.
2. Self righteousness never wins a culture war.
3. If people are forced to live a certain way they will resent it, but righteousness that is engaged freely as Christianity is designed to do is a powerful thing.
4. In making a Biblical argument against these things we are going to be hamstrung by a couple things -- One, there is no way to make an argument that Women's breasts constitute nudity and so to get on the Bible here is difficult (shocking but true). Two, this IS a constitutional issue in this country and not a Biblical one and the fact is equality would dictate that either women should be allowed to go topfree, or men are going to have to be covered up (No more shirts and skins basketball guys)
5. Full nudity is something that people still have trouble with that are not Christians so the fight is going to be long here anyway because both sexes are required to cover up the angle of equal rights cannot be used.

My prediction is that the women who are advocating Topfree Rights will eventually win them on a nationwide scale and probably before the next ten years are out. Like when women began to show more leg and the public had a fit along with the moral majority the reaction will be same and then familiarity will come to a point that people will not notice anymore. In fact there may be a time when a women walks into a church with a bare chest and nobody will think anything of it. Sorry, it may happen because women walk in with short skirts now and nobody notices, well accept those people with lust in their hearts or self-righteousness.

This of course assumes we continue to go on the same path we have been going and when it comes to sexual morality and right now there does not seem to be a cultural reason to change course.

IMHO

Next: Pornography

Church Antagonism -- Part 4 -- What Allows Antagonists to Thrive

Church antagonists would never get away with anything if they did not act in a atmosphere that allows them to thrive. There are basically two factors involved:

1. Apathetic Bystanders: This can be anyone who would have the influence or could act at least in some way to confront the antagonism or stand up against it. The truth is that antagonists only survive because people do not stand up to it. They feel they are not in a position to stop it or are not sure what they should do. In my own ministry, my greatest problem was not the antagonists but the people who supported me that said and did nothing to stop it. Most are acting on the misguided notion that to be loving Christians they should get involved but real love sacrifices and stands up to evil. Remember it is often the pastor who is getting pummeled here and it is not loving to him or his family to just let him get pummeled. When good people do nothing, evil prospers. In my case it felt like it was me against half of the church with the other half watching the action -- not good.

2. Ineffective Denominational Officials: Boy do I know this one well. The fact is most denominational officials who could come in help the pastor and/or congregational leaders in trouble but they have a few things that make them ineffective: a) no plan -- and they follow it to the end. When you don't have a plan or procedure of how to handle these things you cause the 'bad' guys to have the advantage. b) lack of information on the situation -- ignorance of what is going on and being to lazy to find out what is really going on. If you are going into a bad situation get all the facts before you act. c) Lack of pastoral support: Pastors need support in this and they often don't get it. To tell someone under the gun to just pray about it or buck up smacks of -- 'be warmed and filled' but not doing anything needful.

If you get people fighting for their church and denominational officials who actually can help the situation looks a lot brighter.

Next: How to Act in the Face of Antagonism

Christians and Sexuality: Where is the USA Headed Morally?

As I look at the United States moral issues involving a sexual nature have always been forefront in the secular and Christian culture wars, I see some interesting things on the immediate horizon:

1. Public Nudity: Particularly the fight by women to have equal rights as men to be bare chested in public. The whole breastfeeding thing on Facebook and the current court cases in the last few years indicate that things are changing quickly. Currently there are six states which have 'topfree' laws of a various nature: California, Hawaii, Maine, New York (where a woman can now go topfree in any place a man can), Ohio and Texas. Other states are currently embroiled in battle about this: Pennsylvania and New Jersey come to mind. In many cases local communities define the laws here but in many cases these local laws are changing. It's like I said in my series on Nudity, Morality and Culture, it is something we as Christians are going to have to get used to seeing more and more. Literally.

2. Homosexual Marriage: I do not think this is going to leave the issue of States rights for a while but who will control it is debatable. I hat e to says this we are going to lose in the end and my own issue on this is that I retain as a minister to both not perform or acknowledge homosexual marriage. Just like I feel about common law marriage, neither the church or any minister should have to be forced perform or acknowledge such marriages if they choose not to.

3. Friends with Fringe Benefits: How common is this now and the one thing no Christian is saying is an intelligent response to casual sex. We decry it and we speak against it but this is not a response that people are going to accept. This is largely a continued failure to deal with the results of the sexual revolution.

4. Pornography: Has anyone else notice how common porn has become and it is not the world who has the problem that concerns me, but it is the number of church people caught in it. In fact we seem to have more problems with addiction to porn than anyone else -- I think in large part it is the poor way we sexually educate youth in the church that is the problem.

There are many others but these are the one that seem in front right now. What do you think?